Health & Wellbeing Pregnancy

28 Hilarious Pregnancy Jokes (Funny, Witty, Dirty, Rude)

Pregnancy is no joke.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a good joke out of being pregnant.

Sometimes light relief is just what the doctor ordered, which is why we’re searched high and wide to come up with our list of the very best pregnancy jokes out there.

From funny and dirty, to rude and witty, here 28 jokes about pregnancy we think you’ll love. Enjoy!

          1. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a supermodel?
            Nothing—if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.
          2. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen knocked up?
            He forgot to wrap his whopper!
          3. Do I need to have a baby shower?
            Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly!
          4. Should I have a baby after 35?
            35 children are quite enough.
          5. What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy?
            A good delivery.
          6. What does it mean when the baby is born with teeth?
            It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
          7. What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
            They both require chickpea.
          8. How is a pregnant woman similar to a toddler?
            Ans: She outgrows her clothes every week!
          9. My baby was born last week. When will I start to feel and act normal again?
            When the kid has gone to college.
          10. What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
            You should’ve taken it out earlier.
            man and pregnant woman hugging
          11. What’s the most common pregnancy craving?
            For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
          12. How is being pregnant is like being a kid again?
            There’s always someone telling you what to do.
          13. What do you call a pregnancy that starts while using birth control?
            A misconception.
          14. What is the most reliable way to determine the baby’s sex?
          15. What is it called if two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy?
            An oopsie-daisy!
          16. What’s the weirdest stage of pregnancy?
            When people aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or buy you a gym membership.
          17. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, buttocks, and even my feet have grown. Does anything get smaller during pregnancy?
            Yes, your bladder.
          18. What size pants do you wear?
          19. Does pregnancy affect a woman’s memory?
            Most women I asked can’t remember.
          20. To pee or not to pee is never the question.
            Free Woman in Green Shirt Smiling Stock Photo
          21. How do you say unintended pregnancy in German?
            Kinder surprise!
          22. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
            “Where’s popcorn?”
          23. How do you comfort a pregnant woman?
            You don’t. You just hand her chocolate.
          24. What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?
            Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
          25. Last night I accidentally told my son he was an unplanned pregnancy.
            Mistakes were made.
          26. Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.
            She clearly isn’t a fan of protection.
          27. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a tyrant?
            You can negotiate with a tyrant.
          28. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
            With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Must Read: Your Guide To A Happy & Healthy Pregnancy

Nick is a passionate dad who co-founded Rockinbaby to share his parenting journey with other new parents. He has a BSc and MBA, and works as a senior marketing professional. In his spare time Nick loves watching sports, staying fit and traveling. Learn more about Nick here.

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